Practicing thankfulness

Holidays tend to bring out the best and the worst, and sometimes I’ve wished it could just be a day off, not a special day when particular things happen. Someone asked me this week if I was going home for Thanksgiving and when I said “no” they said, “that must be sad.”
Should it be? Since my mom died, I’ve been noticing people walking on eggshells around me or assuming the worst. This year has been a big long practice session on how to embrace what’s good about being alive. Sure, I was sad a few times around Thanksgiving and I’ve gotten sad a few times today as I spend my 31st birthday alone. But being happy takes work sometimes, so I’m really grasping for happy thoughts and a mindful take on what I’ve got.
So I’m thankful for a lot. I’m thankful for my few Boston friends who hooked me up with mad food and shared some laughs, a few so deep my belly hurt. And I’m thankful my sister called me five minutes after I woke up today, not before. I’m thankful for Macho, who’s running laps around the studio tonight. I’m thankful for music even if the underground hip hop store was closed all weekend. I’m hella thankful for the T, and that I finally learned how to wear eyeliner. And my Dutch Tulip nails! I’m thankful for the sexy vampire novel I’m reading, and the little Christmas tree I bought and put Aunt Paula’s ornaments on (even if one was DOA). I’m thankful Tanya sent me pictures of mom. I’m already thankful when I get to go back next spring, that we can afford a gravestone. I’m thankful I HAVE LIFE INSURANCE and really good health benefits at work. I’m so thankful I get to work in the union movement. I’m ridiculously thankful for the internet. I’m thankful for my friends, and all the amazing people I’ve met.
“I’m thankful to see what I saw, to get this angle.”


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